Travellinguist's Musings

Letters to America After November 2nd.

November 4, 2004

I start my blog career two days after the election that signals the beginning of the end of the career of the USA as a superpower. I was going to say respected but that ended the day our first soldiers crossed into Iraq.

Dear Red States,
Thanks a lot. We in the Blue states are now fucked. Note that the Blue States include such places as Chicago, New York, DC, Boston, Los Angeles, Seattle, San Francisco and the states that fill these cities with workers like Maryland, New Jersey, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Rhode Island. I say thanks because WE are the ones that are going to get bombed, gassed or nuked because of your stupidity.
Guess what “security moms” of Nebraska, Alabama, South Dakota, Idaho and similar Red States, you had nothing to worry about. Terrorists don’t give a shit about your states. There is nothing of value to a terrorist. Heck the non-Union automotive plants in Alabama should be stocked with workers nearly as pissed off as a Baghdadi who also lacks health insurance and an adequate wage as his job is also done by a South Asian. Of course in the case of Iraq we don’t even have the dignity to outsource the job we just import the workers themselves.
You were told that President Bush would protect you and you bought that crap hook, line and sinker not realizing that the same insularity that protects you from having to think about what the world thinks or what the world worries about also protects you from having to suffer the wrath of the world, a wrath born of the same insularity that leads to the election of assholes without a clue in the world about how to build true peace.
Again though, don’t worry, Bush is protecting you by sending your children and spouses to Iraq to provoke another round of terrorist attacks on the Blue States.
Yes, I am aware the Virginia, Florida and Texas went Red but that is because their Blue State elements were outvoted. Tallahassee and Jacksonville and rest of rural Florida outvoted Miami and Palm Beach, and West Texas, Waco, the Houston suburbs etc. outvoted Austin and poor minority Houston itself.
Remember, the second worst ever terrorist attack ever perpetrated on America was in Tulsa, Oklahoma by a pair of red-blooded, blue-eyed Americans who would have killed 3000 if they could but they couldn’t find 3000 people in Tulsa associated with the Federal government congregated in one area at one time. So if you all want “security,” rather than worrying about bombing civilians in Iraq, worry about your fellow blue-eyed citizens in the US who want to bomb their own cities.
So once again I would like to thank you for worrying about something that shouldn’t worry you to vote in a man who will make sure that I and millions of others like me will continue to have something to worry about.
Sincerely,
Travellinguist

Dear “Security” Moms,
Concerned about the safety of your children? Want to do something about it? Enlist in the armed forces. The man you support is currently suffering troop shortfalls in the war you believe is providing security to your children, so strap on a flak vest (that you have to buy at Wal-Mart, preferred retailer of the “security” mom), grab an M16 (now, thankfully, also available at that same Wal-Mart thanks to the expiration of the Brady Bill), go over to Iraq and help “secure” your child’s future.
Oh yeah, speaking of securing your child’s future, thanks to our catastrophic debt load your children might not be able to afford to go to college and most certainly will have a job (if your child does manage to secure the proper loans from a wealthy banking company) with less “security” and lower wages than you currently have.

Sincerely,
Travellinguist

Dear Firefighters and Police Officers,

President Bush keeps saying how heroic you are and many of you adopted “jets” and what not in our armed forces who are bombing Iraqis and Afghanis as we speak, but thanks to Bush’s economic policies (tax cuts for the wealthy that starve our states) your wages are not going to go up and many of you will soon be out of work.

Wanna go to Iraq and become a firefighter in one of those new Firehouses over there that Kerry pointed out we are actually opening? Want a job training the new Iraqi “police force”? That might be all that is left for you.

Sincerely,
Travellinguist

PS Because of Hazardous duty pay you’d at least make a wage commensurate with the dangers your job entails unlike in the States!
PPS Thanks to Bill Maher who pointed out that your wages from the President (and the rest of us) are pretty much psychological and not financial.

Dear People who voted for Bush because of his “morality,”

Pro-life (which is what most of you mean by “moral”) doesn’t mean gleefully presiding over the most executions of any Governor in United States combined in the 1990s, nor does it mean ordering the military to annihilate the cities of Baghdad, Fallujah and Ramadi to get a few hundred terrorists while explaining that you “don’t count civilian casualties.”

Furthermore, Jimmy Swaggart talked a lot about morality, God and praying, too and still had an extra-marital affair. Talking it and Living it are two different things.

Sincerely,
Travellinguist

Dear Catholic Bishops unwilling to give John Kerry communion,

Thanks for acknowledging to the rest of us lapsed Catholics that it is acceptable to only focus on or follow part of the Pope’s teaching. In case you forgot, the Pope opposes abortion, but he also opposes the Death Penalty and the Iraq War (war in general).

Being the selective Catholic consumer as you Bishops are, I will choose to follow the Pope’s lead on the death penalty and Iraq War, and will also point out for the millionth time that if we just taught kids and adults about how to use condoms and other forms of contraception they might not want/need to even have abortions. Which do you think is the greater sin in the eye of the Church pre-marital or extra-marital sex, or abortion?

Sincerely,
Travellinguist

PS I don’t think the Pope was very fond of how many of your fellow clergy sexually abused children and then got free passes to new parishes after you covered the whole thing up. Oh yeah and if God really is concerned about our behavior and sees you as his agents on Earth It/He/She must have been really really pissed!

Dear Young Republicans age 18-26,
Help your President keep his campaign promise. We are running low on troops to meet our force commitments throughout the world and to “secure” Iraq. You think that the war in Iraq was the “right war, in the right place, at the right time,” well now is the time to put your money where your boisterous mouths are.

It’s your war, for your president, for your beliefs, go defend them. Sign up at your local recruiting station and you too can soon be defending the conservative way of life on the streets of Baghdad.

Since your president received “more votes than any president in US history” he should not have a shortage of loyal soldiers to execute his will. Prove you stand behind him in more places than just the Ballot Box.

Sincerely,
Travellinguist

Dear Mom,
When you told me that John Kerry was not the answer my heart sunk. You were lied to and you believed, you were manipulated and you let it happen. You reserved your skepticism only for the criticisms from the Left and not the diarrhea coming from the Right. My only hope for you is that the worst of my fears will not come to pass so that you can enjoy your retirement with adequate health care and the security that you’ve earned through hard work as a teacher, librarian and mother.

Love,
Travellinguist

posted by travellinguist @ 5:09 AM